So, the only reason to buy Commando 3 is here...

Super Street Fighter II Turbo High Definition Remix Beta, better known as SSFIIHDRBOMGWTFBBQ for short, has finally been unlocked for the owners of the pitiful, badly made, glitch filled "funfest" that is the equally long named Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3

First things first, it's another game subcontracted out to the Foundation 9 Factory Farm, Which between their Digital Eclipse and Backbone subsidiaries are probably responsible for about 85% of all XBLA titles.

These range from a bunch of either competently emulated titles (TMNT Arcade), to very, very BADLY emulated titles (most of the Sega Vintage Collection), and the odd original title based on some other company's IP... Which also fluctuate in quality from the awesome (Bomberman Live) to glitch-filled tat (The aforementioned Commando 3).

This remix, which I have been anticipating for quite a while, falls somewhere in between the 2 categories. Its using the code from Capcom itself (used in the DC port of Super Turbo) for it's gameplay, with all the graphics replaced with HD versions in a similar way to a couple of the Digital Eclipse emulated titles.

On top of that, Backbone have added a bit more code themselves, which has the potential to ruin the whole game so badly it goes back in time and makes every iteration of SFII before it just as shit.

Question is, have they fucked up the goodness?

In all honesty, its not really early enough to tell. It's a beta. You can only play Ryu and Ken, and the main purpose of this test is to test the online vs mode.

But just because I'm a negative cunt, here's what I hate so far:

• I spotted jarring drops of speed in the middle of gameplay where shit starts jerking like crazy, and not in a "faithful to the SFII engine" way, and that was in LOCAL mode where network latency isn't an issue. Fucking fix it.


• The graphics, although pretty in high def, are utterly soulless when animated. Take Ken and Ryu's ready stance, the same drawing of his head is copypasted into every frame. Nothing moves in it. although the same can be said of the original version, the fact that the resolution is now so high you can see the face detail, they look like mannequins wobbling on the spot. It just smells of a time and work saving measure.


• Not anything to do with the development of the game, but the current choice of controllers is... Crap, at best. The 360 pad is awful, even with a bit of fixing it's still not great, and then the button layout is hardly optimal.
  
  While my little impulse buy of the Hori Fighting Stick EX fairs a whole lot better in controls, has terrible fucking "Japanese-style" buttons, which I'm sure are great for the delicately small-handed Asian population, but over here, we're used to more hard wearing arcade buttons, for giant meat-slab hands to pummel on.

So we must wait. Until the trials of beta testing bear fruit, things are fixed, and someone plucks up the balls to release a PROPER fucking controller, preferably based on the Saturns.

Then maybe I'll be able to formulate an opinion aside from, "meh", throwing the controller aside, and going back to Street Fighter III.

Spore Creature Creator review II

Well Mentski has already reviewed this game, so i thought i would have a go and see what all the fuss was about, I found it pretty intuitive to begin with, although the demo was rather limited.

Not bad at all, I can't wait for the full version.

Overall: 11/10

Spore Creature Creator Review!

Score: 11/10

Inspired by Mentski - My retro Shooter

This week I have mainly playing Warblade, from here... http://www.warblade.as/index.asp for those of you who didn't have an Amiga, its a remake of Deluxe Galaga, by the guy who made Deluxe Galaga on the Amiga.





This game is mindless shooty fun, the only thing that marrs the whole thing is the bonus Asteroid levels, which boost your score monumentally so you can easily beat a previous high score and only do half the bloody levels! wheres the sense in that? I don't remember if this happened in the original, but as its by the same person I assume it does. He also made Deluxe pacman, which may or may not be great, I have no idea., At £10 this game is definitely worth buying! even if its 2 or 3 years old, or more! i think its still being bug fixed. Other good features are the high score merge facility, so i can add the high scores from work, to the ones at home, and presumably you can swap high scores with your mates, but as you read this, you probably don't have any.



I really enjoyed the original, i played it to death, I really miss my Competition pro Joystick i played it with tho! if you have one that plugs into the PC remember, no cheating! no Autofire! that's just WRONG!

It has great features like a memory mini game, and shop where you buy your addons, but remember not to die! because... you may as well just start again! There are some ropey graphics sure, and the robot "pick up" voice gets on your tits (You can change it to a nasally Australian sounding woman if you like) but its available for the mac too! so there you go, even Mac users actually have a game worth playing, the demo is available for free on the website, or you could look for the full game for free elsewhere on the internets, i would not condone that.

Addendum here: Okay, i have been moaned at for being TOO positive, this game doesn't work in Vista, so thats fucking annying, i went to play it at home, and its not worked!! so i give it 8/10 which is considerably less than Mentski gave that stupid Spore game!

Followup comment: I have got it to work in Vista now, under "compatability mode" make sure you have "Disable visual themes" and it will work! hurrah!

FINAL SCORE: 12/10 Sack me if you want, i like it.

Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3

Note to twats: Firstly, stop complaining about the "cheesy" title. If you know anything about the series of games, you will know that both Commando and Mercs were titled Senjō no Ōkami in Japan - roughly translated, "Wolf of the Battlefield".

What you SHOULD be complaining about is:

• Shoddy AI that traps enemies in stupid places where they can shoot you but you cant shoot them back.
• Poor collision detection.
• Over reliance on spawning enemies behind you when moving forward to "catch you off guard".
• Framerate problems that a game like this should NEVER EVER have, considering the complexity of the graphics... I mean, look, how in fuck does THIS stretch the power of an Xbox 360?

What is it with packaging anticipated beta tests with the shittest title on a publishers release slate?

Capcom are quickly losing any respect I had for them, and instead earning the title "King of Shovelware".

Mentski's Retro Hoedown Showdown. Episode 1.

If you're anything like me, for the whole of your life you will have been lying in bed asking the question, "Hey, I wonder what it would be like if K.C. and the Sunshine Band made a videogame?".

Well, rest easy - I finally found out the answer!

Whilst casually breaking the copyrights of as many arcade developers as possible through the wonderful world of MAME I found the game Fever SOS, also known by it's Japanese title, Dangun Feveron.

Made by Cave, a notorious developer of Shoot-Em-Ups (I will never, ever call the genre "shmups", as I believe if I do my brain will turn to jelly and fall out of my ears), Fever SOS/Dangun Feveron is BULLET HELL. IN DISCO FORM.



FEVER IS HERE INSIDE MY SOUL! INDEED.

However, the bestest thing of the whole experience is when I cheated my way to the end of the game.

Some arcade games by Japanese developers are notoriously badly translated, but this one takes the biscuit, cake, and then the whole desert trolley, just to be sure. It's like someone put it through Babelfish about 20 times, and through every language possible before getting to English.

See for yourself...


I agree. Yes.

Happy 25th Birthday, Capcom

Now stop subcontracting out other development teams to make shit games out of old franchises and start making good stuff in-house again. Thanks.

Also, eye witness reports claim Ryu is SHIN-SHORYUKENLESS in SFIV. I am NOT AMUSED.

I'm not dead either *(Batty Boo Special)*

Just to let you know, that I am not dead either. You lot may remember me from my "I don't have wankers cramp" blog, where i slagged my workmates off constantly, and told you all about my CHRONIC R.S.I. - Well, After several blog related firings, I killed that off - and I also got a promotion which means i do as little work as the rest of my esteemed colleagues, so I can't really complain about them anymore.

A wankers cramp update too, It came back the other day, and it really paniced me! I thought i was going to be horrendous pain, and not be able to play all the games that aren't out at the moment. Currently I am looking forward to playing Bionic Commando, Project O.R.I.G.I.N. and Splatterhouse.

I still don't own a console, and can't decide between a second hand PS3 or an Xbox360.

And as a special treat, here is Tony Woofs picture of Betty Boo from some Pride event, if you want to Photoshop your penis where her mic is, feel free, i really would not condone it though.

Hahahaha, I'm not dead yet.

Here is the point where I would make some shitty excuse up for not posting all the way through May, but I've decided I'm not going to. I had my reasons, and it's none of your fucking business.

Anyway, this week, Ninja Gaiden 2 comes out, I guess I might buy that, so expect complaints about how shit the camera is (like every other site on the Internets)

Oh, and Dragonball Z Burt Limit comes out too, but I can't possibly want to buy that, because Dragonball Z is terrible and everyone hates it.

Reviews of both next week, then.