The part where cyberstalking pays off.

It's badly put together, but looking at some of the other people on the friends list and the photos on there I'm pretty sure this is her Official MySpace page!

And I'm in her top friends list!

I am Daddy Cool! If not a slightly sad 32 year old Daddy Cool that couldn't let go of a teenage crush! But who's laughing now, eh?

HAHAHAHAHAH! (Me.)

4 Rejected ideas for Cadbury's "Glass and a half full of joy" Ad campaign

• A gibbon on guitar, playing the intro to Dire Straits' Money For Nothing.

• An orangutan on a Hammond organ, playing the intro to Procol Harem's Whiter Shade of Pale.

• A chimpanzee on guitar, playing the intro to Issac Hayes' Theme from Shaft.

• Phil Collins, swinging from a tree and playing with his cock at inappropriate times.

A quick plug for an old mate.

Heres my quick plug for The Wonderful World of Videogame Retail, yet another blog dedicated to the shit those poor sods at games shops have to suffer.

I went into the shop he worked at a few weeks ago only to see him getting some serious shit from some idiot or other, who'd ordered something of the company website, had not got it, and instead of phoning the right department, decided to go to the local shop to rant and rave like a lunatic, like they have any control over what happened.

After this little tirade I handed him a link to Stupid Fucking Customers, to show that he certainly wasn't alone in his game retail hell. Which has obviously led him to doing his own.

I'd go into further detail about things, but I think its best I leave the talking to him, in case I mention names and shit that could get him fired.

As much of a cunt as I am, He and his missus had a nipper last year... If anyone should be responsible for publishing potential sueable/firable material, it should be himself.

Still would.

That is all.

3 Reasons why you SHOULDN'T bother mentioning Halo 3 to me.

I've been playing videogames a loong, loooong time. There are many people that know this, and actively attempt to engage me in conversations about it, usually at completely inappropriate times.

It's not uncommon for these people to come up to me, and say, "I bet you can't wait for XXX game to come out!", and to be honest, I'm afraid I can, I can wait, a long long time. Because 9 times out of 10, I couldn't give a flying fuck in a plane full of porn stars.

So yeah, Halo 3, eh! Less than a month away! And here are the following reasons why I don't care.

1) I'm really, really, not fond of First Person Shooters.

I fully admit, I played my fair share of Dooms and Quakes when the whole genre was new to me, but now... Meh. I'm not really a fan of FPS's, every so often I'll play one, but its never a single player game (probably Counterstrike or BF or something), and I'll get tired of it in under a week.

2) FPS games are utter gash on a joypad.

If I AM going to play one, it's mouse/keyboard or nothing, maybe the Wii controls would be alright, too, but a joypad is just not precise enough for me and I just end up hating it more. I know Halo and Halo 2 are available on PC, and I actually have played through the first Halo on the PC, but I have absolutely no desire to play the second, at all

3) New games are SHIT.

You heard me.

It's all about the "interactive movie" experience, these days. I just want to pick up a controller and blast/punch/kick/poke/eat/race stuff. I come from the arcade era! Storylines are for RPGs! I don't give a flying fuck about character development and shit like that.

It's sickening how everything needs some kind of padded out storyline, now. Even Outrun 2 has background info on the characters, It's just a bloke and a bird driving around in a Ferrari, for fucks sake! That's all it ever needed to be!

... And Bioshock can fuck off, too!

Now, if you can excuse me, I have a game of Advanced Lawnmower Simulator to finish.

HAT/NO HAT/NO HAT/HAT - OFFICAL RULEBOOK: 1.0

HOW TO PLAY

Score more than your friends by calling out the status of people's heads.

SCORING

NO HAT - Points: 0

Due to absence of headwear is considered the social norm, pointing out "No hat" scores no points. but is actively encouraged in the spirit of the game. After all, why point out just hats. That's just silly.



HAT - Points: 1

If It's a hat, It scores a point. Caps also count as "hat". Turbans of a significant mass equal to or greater than a hat are counted as "hat", however, headscarves and bandannas are CERTAINLY NOT "hat". Helmets are also not "hat", as they are SAFETY HEADGEAR, Hard Hats, despite also being under this category, ARE allowed, due to their name.

Bonus "hat" points can be scored by:-

a) Standing within 5 meter radius of the wearer, pointing, and shouting "HAT!", for 1 bonus point.

b) Following the hat wearer as close as possible, mimicking their actions, at a rate of 1 point every 30 seconds.





BONUS/ADDITIONAL/OPTIONAL SCORING

BEARD - Points: 2

"Beard" may be called only when the beard in question is of significant length and bushiness. any growth under 1 inch is considered "bumfluff". "Bumfluff" scores 0 points.



PIE! - Points: 3

Can be called when either a savoury pie, or an image of a savoury pie, is present. Drawing a picture of a pie just to call "pie!" is considered cheating, as is calling "pie!" in a shop that sells pies, and results in loss of all previous points, and a forfeit. Other savoury baked goods, such as pasties, and sausage rolls are NOT "pie!", and neither are sweet pies, such as apple and cherry, as they are considered gay, and a pox on humanity.



TOUPÉE - Points: 4

Evidence of toupée must be seen. Ill fitting toupée, colour mismatching, etc. Female wigs also count, but ONLY wigs. Other fake hair, such as extensions and clip-ons DO NOT.

REVEALED TOUPÉE - Points: 8

A rare occurrence. Requires REVEALING EVIDENCE of toupée, such as a gust of wind, or visible slippage.

EXCEPTIONALLY REVEALED TOUPÉE - Points: 12

This requires the caller to physically knock the toupée off themselves. Bonus points can be awarded via peer judgement for grace, style and originality, up to a total of 25 points.



ADVANCED COMBO SCORING

A combo is achieved by pointing out more than one thing about someone. A combo will multiply the amount of points by the amount of legally pointable objects on their person.

For example:

NO HAT + BEARD
0 + 2 x 2 = 4 points

(This combo is considered cheap, due to the use of "No Hat" to increase the multiplier, and has led to public debagging in the past, use in caution, and make sure you are wearing clean underwear)

HAT + BEARD + (hes holding a) PIE!
1 + 2 + 3 x 3 = 9 points!

HAT/5 MIN FOLLOW BONUS/POINTING BONUS + BEARD
12 + 2 x 2 = 28 Points!

(Note that the bonus points awarded with hat are NOT considered as extra links in the combo chain)

Remember to chain combos for MASSIVE DAMAGE!