Well whaddayaknow. After Burner, eh children?

No, not the absolutely awesome Climax that no fucker bought except me, resulting in MS dropping the game to half price within a couple of months.

Nononono… We’re talking the original this time.

Did you know there’s a storyline to go with that game, cunningly hidden via special button inputs that you must press when your jet is refuelling?

Apparently so. It’s all about rescuing a girl called Lucy from some guy called Match, who apparently isn’t very good at Ma Ma Lemon. Whatever that is.

Until today, this 23 year-old secret appears to have gone completely unnoticed by the western world. In fact, searching for the phrase used in the topic in Google resulted in 1 solitary result, for an English speaking Kyoto-Based company selling After Burner T-Shirts.

Anyway – Videos. Here:

I am embarrassed and ashamed of you.

So Sega do what everyone knew they were going to do 2 weeks ago, and anounce that Project Needlemouse was, indeed, Sonic 4. They release a trailer with all of 3 seconds of gameplay, and what do you do? Whine and complain like bitches.

Sega, for the first time in years, stop making Sonic games that by their own admittance, are aimed at children, in favour of a game aimed at the audience that loved the original 16-bit games, and all you do is fucking nitpick.

“Waahhh waaaahh! They’ve used the modern Sonic design! He’s got the homing attack! His running animation isn’t right! They’re reusing badniks and level designs from the previous games! I’m boycotting this! I’m giving up on the franchise forever!!!!!!1111ONEONEONE”

Shut the fuck up! You sound like spoilt fucking children. The average classic fan is in their mid-twenties or over… Act with a little more fucking maturity!

YOU’VE SEEN 3 FUCKING SECONDS OF GAME FOOTAGE OF A GAME THAT DOESN’T COME OUT FOR 6 MONTHS.

No doubt an opinion like mine will be met by some of these so called “classic fans” telling me I’m just not hardcore enough, that I don’t understand, So let me tell you my history regarding the games:

• I played the first game in 1991 at the age of 16.
• I finished the second game so quickly after release on the morning of “Sonic 2′s Day”, that I was interviewed by the TV show “Gamesmaster” about it.
• Every aspect of all the 16 bit titles are ingrained into my brain to such an extent that I can play them almost on automatic… So when a company like Backbone fuck up the emulation of them, making them play ever so slightly differently, I can fucking tell.

…So nobody ever fucking say that I don’t know my fucking Sonic games.

Sure, be a little cynical about the game, but on the other hand show a little optimism, wait until you see more of the game, and then give Sega a little mature feedback instead of chucking your toys out of the pram.

Because the way it stands at the moment, you don’t fucking deserve this game.