Like every other person on the Internet, I await the day something I’ve “done” gains global recognition, allowing me to sell out and run all the way to the bank.

But of course, for this to “happen” – many more people will have to be reading… Many, many more.

It’s come to my attention that the best way for me to gain more readers is to be controversial - otherwise known on the Internet as writing a load of flamebait.

I’ve been narrowing down my options, and have come up with the following onging articles I could write, see what you think!

1. AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 GAYS.

An 80 part series chronicalling famous gay people, rated in a Top Trumps style for campness, flamboyancy, “outness”, etc.

Who it will offend: Gay people. probably… I will no doubt by accused of rampant homophobia, and not to mention receive a cease and desist letter from the Church of Scientology when I get to the Tom Cruise entry.

2. BEARD MANIA

An on going series about people with beards, rated in a Top Trumps style for bushiness, length, style, etc.

Who it will offend: Gay people. probably… they’ll think I’m probably poking fun at the “bear” community, not to mention I’ll receive a cease and desist letter from the Church of Scientology when I get to the Katie Holmes entry.

A Mohammad entry might also offend the odd Muslim, too.

3. THE BRING BACK BLACKFACE CAMPAIGN.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone has called Me and my blog racist (true story, but not that amusing, so I’m not going into it), so I might as well go the whole hog.